Blessed With Life
Over the moon
As of today I’m a whole fiancée. Words cannot describe how excited I am for the future. Five years down and forever to go.
Cabin Trip
Spent a few days out of town this weekend. I find that the only way I’ve survived this last year and my lack of traveling is by taking small weekend trips to these areas surrounded by nature. Areas where I can truly appreciate nature for what it is. As the pandemic rages self care is the only saving grace. Sometimes all we need is just a few days to reset.
Happy Birthday, Mac
Forever
Today I was watching an episode of One Tree Hill where they talked about how the idea of forever usually scares us as humans and it got me thinking…
The idea of forever has been the most comforting thing to me. I understand why it may be scary for some but for me the idea of forever has been what has kept me going many times. We see forever in so many aspects of life in both deeds and people. I find that in temporary situations that may be horrible to navigate, forever gets me through because I have hope for the future.
The idea of forever is absolute. I take comfort in knowing that there are things I will have continually. People, relationships, deeds committed, memories, dreams, etc.
The idea of spending “forever” with a partner is exhilarating. The same can be said about having a friendship that carry’s on “forever”.. Knowing that the things we do in this life sticks with us forever keeps me in check. It keeps me from living with regrets. It forces me to do right. It keeps me accountable. Having certain memories forever is humbling because sometimes memories are all we’ve got of someone or something we held close to our hearts. Maintaining dreams give us something to work towards or simply just challenges us to never settle.
When things get dark I remind myself that it isn’t forever and roll with it until the sun shines again.
Strange?
Nice Knowing Ya 2020
This year was by far one of the most trying for many of us. The global pandemic affected us in more ways than we could have ever imagined. I’ve also learned so much about myself this year as well.
In a year where life as we knew it changed overnight one day in March due to lockdowns I found that this year I craved a lot of “normalcy”. I craved the things that felt comfortable and some of that included people who today are no longer the people they were when they represented what was normal to me.
Four years ago one night in December my world changed forever and while then I tried to hold on to the little I could, this year I realized it was time to let go and finally close chapters I kept rewriting in my head. I held on to promises made that were unrealistic. I held on to someone I was so sure would be around through all my adult years.
As time has gone on I’ve realized that this person served their purpose in my life. The story has ended and there’s no way to rewrite it. We played pivotal roles in each other’s lives at one point but we’ve been on different journeys for years now. I guess I was just never ready to truly admit that our promises were naive. The thing is something can cause a bond to exist but eventually that thing is no longer the most important aspect in either of our lives. When that happens we become people that neither of us recognize. The bond grows thin day by day until it no longer exists and that’s life.
So while I craved that sense of comfortability many of these last 365 days I’m leaving that desire in 2020. It’s best I walk away and leave our promise in the year that caused so much pain and loss for many. A lot of people lost loved ones and friends this year due to Covid-19. A lot of people lost jobs due to the pandemic and a lot of small business owners lost their livelihoods. So in a year where people will forever mourn so much I’m choosing to leave this bond here as well.
This year, I can say in the U.S. with over three hundred thousand people dead from Covid-19, I survived it. Six members of my family survived the virus. Many days this year we saw stories of families losing more than one member to the virus but I was fortunate.
I will eternally be grateful for surviving this thing because many were not as lucky. I will always be grateful that no one in my family had to rely on unemployment insurance benefits at any time this year. I will always be grateful for the ability to have helped those in need this year. I’m thankful for love, health, family, friends and financial stability.
May 2021 bring you nothing but joy, peace, and memories that will repair our hearts after such a cruel year. Cheers.🥂
“Oh, it’s better up ahead
The worst is over now
Remember what I said
Live, you don’t have to look back
But if you ever do,
You know where I’m at” – Gavin DeGraw
Quarantine Day 8
Up until this point symptoms were kind of extremely mild in everyone. Yesterday we had two more positive tests amongst the family so that was another blow to the emotional side of fighting covid. So far everyone still has mild symptoms but now it’s really starting to feel like our bodies are fighting an illness. I must’ve slept for 12 hours last night alone and have been in bed most of today. My body is extremely achey as well which could be from being in bed for so long or covid. I’ve also been congested and have been for about 3 days now. The first two days I was sneezing a lot but now it’s just a congestion. The 8 year old is still her regular self minus a cough every two hours or so which she claims is not a cough but a clearing of her throat. LOL. My mom as of last night has started to feel a little shortness of breath so she’s also trying to take it easy. She still has the back pain which isn’t as bad as it was days 3-5. The first positive person ended up back in the ER the night of day 6 due to ongoing coughs which prevented him from being able to breathe. We’ve since learned that he has covid pneumonia so we’re worried but trying to not worry too much because we don’t want to hinder our own recoveries. He says the hospital conditions are tough.. he hasn’t showered in a few days and there’s no hot water on the hospital ward. I’m not sure how there’s no hot water but obviously that may not be the hospital’s number one priority at this time.
I figured by now we’d be feeling a little better considering we all coasted through the first week of quarantining but I may be wrong. I have a feeling the last two positive cases were positive the time I tested but a nurse refused to test them and I stand firm in my argument that she was wrong for that. They work amongst children and other teachers and I’m not sure why they wouldn’t want to confirm a case so others can be made aware of exposure. Especially because the children they work with are children of doctors and nurses and those who work in the major hospital in our area.
In times like these I understand not wanting to waste a test but I think those who work with our health care workers should get testing no matter how minimal the exposure because there’s such a trickle down effect if they’re positive. If one of the last two positives didn’t start experiencing loss of smell they would’ve continued to take that nurse’s advice and gone to work as instructed and gone about their lives. One of them has severe asthma so I’m praying that their symptoms are not more severe than what I’m feeling.
Praying that things start to look up over the next few days. Trying to stay hydrated, trying to force food down although there’s 0 appetite at times. It’s weird because that comes in waves. Sometimes I’ll be hungry and other times there’s just no desire for food. I’ve noticed the same with my mom. The 8 year old not so much we had family drop off Christmas goodies and she’s eating as long as we put food before her.
Thankful it’s not more severe. Thankful no one else is hospitalized. Thankful for those praying and reaching out and doing all they can to support us through this tough time.
Thanksgiving 2020
This Thanksgiving was definitely different than other years. Although we were in a smaller setting with immediate family only I’m still thankful I was able to enjoy a meal with my loved ones. I’m thankful that no one I care about has been affected by Covid. Many people are grieving the loss of a loved one this Thanksgiving or can’t even be with family at all due to Covid. I’m grateful for all the lessons learned so far this year and for health, strength, and a work from home contract. My work from home contract was extended until July 2021 and throughout this entire pandemic I didn’t have to worry about job security at all and that is a huge blessing. I’m thankful that I’ve been put in a position to extend help to those who need it whether that’s emotionally, financially or physically. Hope y’all had a good holiday despite the circumstances.
Covid Vacations
Memories
Sometimes somethings spontaneously come to our minds and you can’t help but wish they hadn’t.
“Good friend“
Something unexpected happened a few days ago.. they say be careful what you wish for because you just might get it all. I received a phone call one afternoon and everything changed. Suddenly there was no awkwardness and walking on egg shells. It’s crazy how easy it is to reconnect with someone you genuinely connected with before when both people are open to it.
They also say old habits die hard and while I’ve grown up a lot in the last 5 years somethings are just instinct. Caring is an instinct in this case. Empathy is an instinct at this point as well. That’s all there is to it.
In a way, I’m glad that people I haven’t talked to in years feel that they can come to me at anytime when they need solid advice though. It’s flattering really if you think about it. In someone’s darkest time I’m the person they think can help bring some clarity to their situation. Humbling.
Cabin Trip
27th Earth Strong
Today I turned 27 years old. I’m blessed no doubt to live to see this day. There’s so many that I know who’ve passed and didn’t make it to 27. In times like these where there’s so much death around us it’s a blessing to live to see another chapter. I’m grateful to have spent the day with my significant other. We didn’t do much but that’s never a problem as long as he’s by my side.
You know you’re officially an adult when your birthday wishes no longer primarily come through social media but rather direct text messages and phone calls. Thankful for all those near and far who took the time out to wish me health and happiness today.
Thank you Jesus. My wish is that the 27th chapter be filled with blessings, good news, an infinite amount of love and grace.
Rekindle
There’s that saying that says if it’s meant to be it will be. It’s been on my mind a bit lately. We drift from people and that could be a combination of friends and family but sometimes we have an opportunity to pull the pieces back together and reconnect and that can never be taken for granted. Sometimes you can jump right back into where things left off but other times you wade through a bit of knee deep water before things feel like they’re back to what they were. Essentially, years go by and people change but even with that it’s still possible to rekindle a friendship. There are those rare cases when so much time has passed that rekindling a friendship just isn’t worth the effort. Not necessarily saying there are ill intentions or bad blood but we’re just on different paths and going in different directions. The key is being prepared for either one of those outcomes regardless of what you really want.
Goodbye 2019
This year and the decade overall has been filled with many ups and downs for me. To make a very long story short I lost myself, I lost friends, I lost loved ones, I’ve been abused, I’ve been the abuser, I’ve wallowed in my misery, I’ve brushed my shoes off and kept walking, I’ve been broken and I’ve been in repair. The repair process has been a journey that I needed to embark on alone and without any of the experiences I wouldn’t have the strength I need to keep going. I’ve come to terms with everything. Everyday I see more and more that all of those things happened for a reason. Reasons that I wouldn’t have understood then but I’m proud of the personal growth and self love that this decade of ups and downs has allowed me have.
One important thing I learned this year is that it’s okay to mourn. Sometimes we grieve the living. Things change.
V
Making Something Out Of Nothing 