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Quarantine Day 8

Up until this point symptoms were kind of extremely mild in everyone. Yesterday we had two more positive tests amongst the family so that was another blow to the emotional side of fighting covid. So far everyone still has mild symptoms but now it’s really starting to feel like our bodies are fighting an illness. I must’ve slept for 12 hours last night alone and have been in bed most of today. My body is extremely achey as well which could be from being in bed for so long or covid. I’ve also been congested and have been for about 3 days now. The first two days I was sneezing a lot but now it’s just a congestion. The 8 year old is still her regular self minus a cough every two hours or so which she claims is not a cough but a clearing of her throat. LOL. My mom as of last night has started to feel a little shortness of breath so she’s also trying to take it easy. She still has the back pain which isn’t as bad as it was days 3-5. The first positive person ended up back in the ER the night of day 6 due to ongoing coughs which prevented him from being able to breathe. We’ve since learned that he has covid pneumonia so we’re worried but trying to not worry too much because we don’t want to hinder our own recoveries. He says the hospital conditions are tough.. he hasn’t showered in a few days and there’s no hot water on the hospital ward. I’m not sure how there’s no hot water but obviously that may not be the hospital’s number one priority at this time.

I figured by now we’d be feeling a little better considering we all coasted through the first week of quarantining but I may be wrong. I have a feeling the last two positive cases were positive the time I tested but a nurse refused to test them and I stand firm in my argument that she was wrong for that. They work amongst children and other teachers and I’m not sure why they wouldn’t want to confirm a case so others can be made aware of exposure. Especially because the children they work with are children of doctors and nurses and those who work in the major hospital in our area.

In times like these I understand not wanting to waste a test but I think those who work with our health care workers should get testing no matter how minimal the exposure because there’s such a trickle down effect if they’re positive. If one of the last two positives didn’t start experiencing loss of smell they would’ve continued to take that nurse’s advice and gone to work as instructed and gone about their lives. One of them has severe asthma so I’m praying that their symptoms are not more severe than what I’m feeling.

Praying that things start to look up over the next few days. Trying to stay hydrated, trying to force food down although there’s 0 appetite at times. It’s weird because that comes in waves. Sometimes I’ll be hungry and other times there’s just no desire for food. I’ve noticed the same with my mom. The 8 year old not so much we had family drop off Christmas goodies and she’s eating as long as we put food before her.

Thankful it’s not more severe. Thankful no one else is hospitalized. Thankful for those praying and reaching out and doing all they can to support us through this tough time.

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Quarantine Update

It’s day four and we’re still waiting for test results but there are some clear signs of covid. Yesterday my back was on fire. The same with my mom, today she can barely move. I think despite the aches and pains I’m feeling my main concern isn’t myself but her. I find that I’ve been more anxious when I hear a cough or hear her trying to move from one place to another. If I could bare the symptoms for her I would. I worry because no one knows what to expect.

I’ve also become increasingly angry with family who haven’t reached out yet but know the severity of this virus. What are they waiting for? For someone to be intubated before calling to see how we’re doing? Or to say how they’re thinking of us? I think in these times we need the support of our loved ones more than anything and in what can be the darkest time of our lives we need to know that there are others putting positive vibes out there for us. We need to know that there is a support system we can fall back on when we feel discouraged.

I think when people know what you’re going through and they choose to not reach out those aren’t people we need in our circle. I think one good thing that will come out of this quarantine experience is learning who our true family and friends are. The ones who check in periodically and the ones who offer to help in anyway possible. Hold those people close and take note of those who can’t be bothered.

I understand that this year has been very trying for everyone but if you know you have family exposed or quarantining the least you can do is send your love. It’s the little things that matter the most in these times and that’s all we need to keep a positive attitude.

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Graduate

After a few long years I’ve finally completed my degree. It feels surreal, the last few years of my life were consumed by school and now I don’t have that pressure moving forward. I’m not sure what I’ll do with all this new free time but I’m proud to be done with this journey. Here at the end I felt drained in every aspect but I’m glad I was able to push through and finish with a 3.89 GPA. Also glad I trusted my journey and went at my own pace. This accomplishment means so much.

Time to channel my focus on losing the Rona 15. Staying fit wasn’t my main priority but now I have time to work out😅

Here’s to new adventures🥂

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Breonna Taylor

Today has been emotionally exhausting. The longer the cries for justice go on the deeper the pit in our stomachs become. Terrifying isn’t the word to describe what this country is becoming.

As much as I want to find the words to describe how I’m feeling I just can’t. We always knew the odds of justice were slim but facing the harsh reality is still no easier.

$12 million dollars cannot bring a loved one back from the dead and $12 million dollars cannot justify not charging those responsible for an innocent’s death.

Black lives will always matter. Fairness and equality will always be demanded.

Spread peace. Spread love. Stay safe.

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Malcolm

Tiny Desk 2018

September 7th, it’s absolutely crazy that Mac has been gone for two years already today. His death is one of the few celebrity deaths that has had an impact on my outlook on life. Mac Miller’s music has inspired so much in my own life.. this blog being one of them. There’s a Mac song or album for every season. I’m still in awe when I think about the transformation he was going through at the time of his passing. If his life wasn’t cut short I know things would’ve turned out alright for him despite all the demons he carried. I’m thankful for what he gifted the world with during his short life.

Continue to rest eternally, Malcolm.

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Happiness

Happiness may have a dictionary definition but what defines happiness ultimately varies individually. Happiness for some can be playing or watching a sport, it can be shopping for another, it can be eating certain foods, it can be visiting specific parts of the world, it can be receiving compliments, it can be having specific people in your atmosphere. The list goes on as happiness is one of those things that we can say is infinite.

For me happiness is feeling a sense of security. Happiness is being understood and in sync with my surroundings. For me happiness is simplicity.

What’s happiness for you?

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27th Earth Strong

Today I turned 27 years old. I’m blessed no doubt to live to see this day. There’s so many that I know who’ve passed and didn’t make it to 27. In times like these where there’s so much death around us it’s a blessing to live to see another chapter. I’m grateful to have spent the day with my significant other. We didn’t do much but that’s never a problem as long as he’s by my side.

You know you’re officially an adult when your birthday wishes no longer primarily come through social media but rather direct text messages and phone calls. Thankful for all those near and far who took the time out to wish me health and happiness today.

Thank you Jesus. My wish is that the 27th chapter be filled with blessings, good news, an infinite amount of love and grace.

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Wasted Time

It’s 3am and although I want to say today because I haven’t slept yet it’s truly yesterday that this took place.

I learned that an acquaintance and his wife have divorced. It is one of those things that just catch you off guard. They were the couple I would say was considered “goals”. They were the couple I admired more than anything. I found out one side of the reason behind the decision but for some reason I just can’t wrap my mind around it nor is it my place to I guess but, I can’t help it. When I think of marriage to me it’s a commitment. A commitment that should last a lifetime unless there’s infidelity, abuse or other extreme circumstances.

Love is kind, love suffers long, endures all things, isn’t easily puffed up, etc etc.

What has me stumped I guess is not understanding how a person can move on so easily as if a marriage meant nothing. How can a person bounce back so quickly if they truly love the person? I don’t want to seem biased in the situation but I know that I’m not the kind of person to bounce back easily. I know that when I love someone that’s not something that can be turned off and that’s not something that goes away over night either.

I guess, I’m saying all of this to say that when I am married I would hope that if my husband was not happy he would communicate that and exhaust all other options to fix our issue before deciding the world is more enticing or more appealing than my love. I admire the marriages that last through heartaches and pains. The marriages that push what it means to love and forgive to the limit and still make it through stronger than before.

I aspire to have a love like my grandparents’. The one where we are a team and that dynamic never changes. The one where we make every decision together, the one where we always show a united front, the one where there are no secrets. The one where we fall in love more and more with each other each day.

Love isn’t always fair. Someone in most cases always ends up with the short end of the stick but when love is experienced with honesty, understanding and compassion it’s unlike anything else we’ll ever experience. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with someone who feels the same. I pray that I marry someone who wants to spend forever and a day by my side even on my worst days. Someone who believes marriage is as sacred and meaningful as I do.

My worst fear is that I’ll give my heart to someone who will wake up one day after years of life together and decide they don’t love me anymore and would rather experience the world without me. My fear is wasting my time.

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4/19

Ten years ago this date held great meaning. In the most recent years this date is one I dread an awful lot. Looking back, the disappointment in the outcome is definitely my fault. I think from the beginning I had an unrealistic expectation of how things would remain in tact forever. Things never stay the same though. We went from what I thought would’ve been a life long friendship to one that barely exists. Adjusting to that change has been painful if we’re being real. I went from having someone I knew I could count on to not knowing if reaching out is even worth it anymore. Conversations are minimal at best. The purpose that the friendship served has ran its course. Accepting that has been difficult nonetheless.

I feel that I’ll always be here if I’m ever needed but I have a feeling I’ll never be needed.

Despite everything, I still wish good things for the future. I still send positive vibes that way. Always have and always will. Cheers to 28.

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Murphy

The show that has been getting me through Covid-19 is surprisingly The Good Doctor. The most recent episode I’ve seen caused my thoughts to stray just a little bit. Just as a quick overview, the protagonist has autism but despite that he’s a brilliant surgeon. He’s navigating through different aspects of life, learning to communicate better, love better, listen better, etc. He falls in love with a girl who ultimately doesn’t love him in a romantic way because of his autism. That drives Murphy insane to an extent. He became obsessed with showing her he was capable of being her boyfriend despite his limitations.

Saying all of that to say this, he did not feel that he was enough. It’s insane how unfair love can seem at times. We can’t help who we love and it’s always a gamble because what if the person you love doesn’t love you back? We spend so much time fighting what seem like inadequacies that we miss the important lessons in life. Whether we feel we lack qualities someone’s looking for or if we’re simply just out of their league everyone deserves to be loved minus all the superficial things.

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Rocky Start

The year has been off to an interestingly rocky start to say the least. It’s taken quite a bit of time for me to even write down my thoughts because they’ve been so scattered. From Circles being released to Kobe passing there’s been a lot to digest. There’s been a lot of emotions and I just haven’t been able to put them into words.

Emotions of sadness, grief, confusion and peace. Emotions that all have contradicted each other one way or another and emotions that I constantly feel shouldn’t be felt but yet they are.

Circles by Mac was released and it’s still heavy on the rotation. Not because anyone’s depressed but because I feel it grants comfort. After Mac passed there were so many questions and to hear the music he left behind made me feel a sense of comfort knowing I got to hear where his head was at the time of his death. Also because it gives me hope for the way his story would’ve turned out had he had just made it through that night.

Kobe’s passing is a different kind of sadness than I felt when Mac died. Kobe was an inspiration for many athletes whether they played basketball or not. Growing up basketball was an important part of my life. I remember every recess in grades 3rd-8th, I always got the basketball and I would shoot hoops while the other kids played four square and kickball. I didn’t care if I was the only kid shooting hoops or if others wanted to play that day. I wasn’t a loner by any means but my passion for perfecting my shooting skills went farther than my interest in kickball or four square. Years went on and even though I didn’t play the sport on a team anymore I still occasionally shot around in the backyard. Saying all of that to say this, Kobe’s death reignited the love I had for the game. The last couple of weeks I’ve had the urge to pick up a ball and just shoot. The joy every swish brought was and still is like no other.

Kobe’s passing is one that will always feel surreal. But I can say I took one good thing away from the tragic situation and it’s remembering the reasons I devoted every recess to perfecting my shot.

Long live the Mamba.