Posted on by V

Gift

Where do I even begin? I have allowed so much time to pass that there’s too much to write, as I often do.

On February 27th, I received a phone call that shook me to my core. It was someone I grew up with who had sadly passed away. Grief and losing loved ones are nothing new to me, but sometimes, for a brief moment, I forget about the pain and loss. This reminder brought me back to the denial/acceptance stage, which felt like a significant step back. Just a few days before her passing, Harrison was constantly on my mind. He would have been 35 on the 24th. I never imagined that the list of young people I know who have passed away would continue to grow. I try to avoid the questions that always seem to come up. Why them? What could’ve been done differently to prevent this?

When we lose someone who had their whole lives ahead of them, the only thing I can do is to remind myself that every day is a gift and nothing short of a miracle.

Since December, I’ve added six aunts to my family tree. They’re all unique, but one of them has taken me under her wing. The others have been nice, but this aunt has a special way of making me feel welcome. We’ve been talking every week since we first met, and she always has something encouraging to say. It’s incredible to have someone who accepts me for who I am. It’s like she’s always been my aunt. I hope I can get to know the others better, but I’m happy with this too. Either way, I’m grateful and okay with this outcome.

Every day is a gift, so let’s make the most of it!

Posted on by V

Big Brother

10 days ago it was confirmed that we have located my older brother. All my life I’ve heard my dad speak of the possibility and we finally were able to connect the pieces together.

One of the reasons I took the ancestry DNA test was to possibly find a half sibling as well as hoping to find my paternal family. 2024 has been a wild year of family revelations and plot twists.

Family dynamics have shifted drastically and it’s not over because in two weeks or so I’ll be mailing in my dad’s DNA sample. Queue the anxiety🥴

I’m glad we found my older brother but it’s definitely strange not being the oldest anymore. I’ve thought a lot about what life would’ve been like if I grew up with a sibling who was only a year and two months older. I think some decisions would’ve been made differently but everything happens exactly how they are meant to, I know that much.

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Fellowship

The past two nights we’ve had fellowship services where several church’s have come from all over to worship with us. I’m glad we were able to attend both nights. Each preacher left me with a word.

So much has been going through my mind but I was able to get some clarity. I love going into a service feeling overwhelmed and leaving feeling like a load has been lifted. God is good.

All the time.

God is good, for that reason I have to trust that he’s working all things out for our good. He’s always on time, prior to learning our DNA results I always thought I was a pretty patient person. Now? I think I’ve just started to learn. Wrestling everyday with the question as to whether we should reach out or not has been tough.

It’s still a waiting game.. but what if they’re waiting for me to initiate communication while I’m waiting for the same? Ugh, one of these days I’m just going to jump and hope I stick the landing..

Cheers🥂

Posted on by V

Reject

As my understanding of certain situations expands I’m starting to realize more and more that some things are more common than I could’ve ever imagined.

In-laws. Conflict with in-laws specifically whether it’s not getting along or not fostering a relationship at all.

How do you handle the scenario where the future in-laws have made zero attempts to foster a relationship despite the continued respect and acknowledgment on your part?

Many say confront the problem head on and in some cases I agree. However, how do you go about that when they deny the feelings of rejection that are projected by their actions?

In this case your partner is not a negative factor because they also feel the rejection and hate it just as much.

Does the partner confront their family or do you confront the family together as a united front?

Have you had enough when you’ve accepted that there may never be a relationship and the situation will eventually be out of sight out of mind? – But would be receptive if there were attempts made.

How do you confront the feelings of fear of bringing children into a situation as such? Or even possibly taking the next committed step in a long term relationship?

Does it affect your feelings towards your partner or is it just you both against the world?

Is it sometimes not necessarily about you but possibly the family’s view on your partner or relationship/lack thereof between them and your partner?

Have they made assumptions about your relationship based on misconceptions from an outside perspective or source?

These situations cause feelings of anxiety, stress, depression, anger, devastation, insecurity, self doubt and a cruel reality.

If you’ve had any bad in-law stories I’d love to hear them and how they turned out.

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Sociopaths

Today an acquaintance came to me with an issue. Hours later I’m still replaying the conversation in my head. I’m not quite sure how I became the person she confides in the most but I am honored.

Not to should shallow but people like her are the reasons I pursued a career in this crazy field. In a way, I’m glad my counselor traits extend beyond an office.

Anyways, my conversation with her got me thinking. When two people are in a relationship why is it that they feel the need to guilt the other party into staying with them after they’ve fucked up?

It’s almost sociopathic in a way. No? One consciously makes a choice to disregard the relationship but then plays the victim? Why are humans like this?

Has anyone thought about the emotional toll that shit takes on a person? Does the person doing the guilt tripping do it because they know the other is weak minded?

It’s pretty pathetic if you ask me.

What are your thoughts?

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Level up

Isn’t it weird how when we see our ex’s new significant other the first thing we critique is usually their looks?

Some will then go on to say some exes have downgraded. But how many will actually admit when it was not a downgrade but rather a “level up”?

Sometimes we’re so focused on the physical we forget about the other aspects of life that people need nurtured.

Most times we have to listen to what our partners need from us rather than what we assume and are only willing to put out.

I’ve learned that relationships are figuring out how to work as a unit. There will be bumps in the road but learning from those resolutions only result in a better union.

Also sometimes although a relationship doesn’t work out that doesn’t necessarily mean we didn’t serve a purpose in each other’s lives. I think when most people see their exes moving on they fear that they were ultimately nothing to them at the end of the day.

My question is, why are those thoughts almost like instinct?

Is the person still holding on at this point? Could it be some f*ed up view because they’re bitter?

Maybe a defense mechanism? To preserve ones ego?

Hmmmm.