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Losses

Death puts so much into respective. My grandmas sister passed away earlier this month and this past Sunday was the funeral. I ended up traveling to FL for less than 48 hours to attend the funeral. The days following her passing I was fine emotionally. As the date got closer to say our final goodbyes it started to dawn on me that life is still very short. Seeing her in the casket shook me to my core. She was unrecognizable. There were so many emotions.. I’m still in disbelief.

Life is short so take the risks. Do what makes you happy regardless of what the world will say. Say what you have to say because you might never get the chance if you don’t cease the moment.

The fear of rejection has kept me from reaching out to my dad’s family but now more than ever I’m ready to take the risks.

If they leave us on read then so be it.

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Different

Life changed in May 2024 in more ways than one. My ancestry DNA results shook my world and days following that my little brother made a decision that altered the course of our lives forever.

After many long conversations trying to make sense of it to anyone who would listen, I’ve come to the conclusion that my dad and I will never fully recover from this. Everyday I feel his pain. I feel the void in his heart. I feel the regret and confusion.

We found my dad’s birth family on his father’s side after many years of thinking we had the story right but I haven’t found the courage to truly reach out because I know we can’t handle another round with rejection and abandonment.

My desire is to get to know the family. My desire is to learn of our cultural ties with India. My desire is to have them welcome us with open arms but it’s difficult when the key piece of the puzzle is not here to confirm our suspicions.

I always wrestled with my sense of identity and finding out the DNA results brought up some old emotions. Praying for a breakthrough.

Posted on by V

Different

This year has taken a turn I never thought it would. I’m starting to feel like I’ll never see my brothers again. Almost 10 years ago our dad got full custody of them but now that one is 18 years old and the other is just 3 years shy of 18, he figured a change in scenery would be good for them. Their mom wants to make up for lost time with them and he’s got no problem with that. Her on the other hand, is the same manipulative person she was 10 years ago. The boys don’t know any better but the things she’s asking them to do behind our backs makes my heart ache. By now we should all be able to be cordial and do what’s best for the boys. I pray that 2023 wasn’t the last time I would’ve seen them.

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To Be Continued

For months I had intentions of doing an ancestry DNA test but procrastinated up until a few weeks ago. The results came in this past Saturday morning..

They were rather unexpected. We found an entire family but there are more questions than answers.

What are our true relationships? Who fathered my father? Should we even bother playing Nancy Drew? Would this alter the trajectory of our lives?

Truly just wanted my father to have some answers and possibly a relationship with family on his paternal side but what’s meant to be will be.

Like he says regardless of how this turns out we still have each other. The 4 of us will be good either way but how awesome would it be to get to know the people we share DNA with.

God is in control.

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Praise You Anywhere

Brandon Lake – Tear Off The Roof Tour – King’s Theatre Brooklyn NY – 4/20/24

April 20th, 2024 King’s Theatre Brooklyn NY was a phenomenal night. My soul has been so filled since then. Blessed to have been in such a beautiful theatre with hundreds of people praising and worshipping God.

Fast forward to May 4th, 2024. I now know why I have felt God’s love so much more than any other time that I can remember.

To be continued.

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We are the same

We’re all more alike than we’d ever imagine. We all battle similar obstacles and go through the same phases of life. The major difference is that some of us can put on a better show for the crowd. The ones who can’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. Others are hard to read.

“It ain’t always what it seems when you look happy” is often life’s melody.

Reminder: you may not win the battle but God has already won the war.

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Faded Dreams analysis

Music speaks to us in so many ways.

“Though it tried to break me down I’m still here and I’m standing.”

“God my protector, with me forever.. he got my back.”

Simple reminders keep me grounded.

Tomorrow – well today because it’s 12:19am? will be two weeks since my husbands been home while I work. The first week was filled with stress and anxiety but this week we’ve been able to embrace the time together. I work from home so it’s been great having someone here to distract me and have lunch with. Still remaining hopeful although there’s been no update on when he can return to work from his employer. Trusting God to work this one out for our good. He’s got our back😉

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A New Thing Tour

Madison Ryann Ward – Mercury Lounge NYC 9/3/23

I was blessed with the opportunity to see Madison Ryann Ward on her first ever tour over the holiday weekend. Her album A New Thing has healed my soul in ways I never knew were possible. It has healed parts of me I didn’t know needed healing.

Through her music you can tell she’s got a genuinely relatable love for Christ. I love seeing young adults like myself not ashamed to spread the love of God. It was a joy seeing her in person. She walked right by where we were standing to make her way to the stage and I’m surprised I held it together. I can’t wait to see how God uses her for his glory.

The album will always be a favorite of mine because it brought me back to a place I had strayed so far from. This tour is just a small stepping stone for what God has in store for her. She’s got a voice that can calm the storm.

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Cabo

It’s been a week since we got back from Cabo and I’m just finally feeling like myself again. We had a thirty hour travel journey home and it was brutal.

Although it’s a journey to and from Cabo, the town stole my heart. I can’t wait to go back for more than an extended weekend. I loved that we got to support mom and pop restaurants. We ate breakfast at the same spot everyday and I’m glad we decided to go off the tourist path. The locals were amongst some of the friendliest I’ve met. We also had some of the best coffee we’ve ever had too. That was the last thing we expected to rave about when we got home but the family who operates the restaurant should be proud of their hard work.

So far 30 has been good to me. Today I unlocked a new level of production at work and that’s a huge accomplishment. Since I’ve been back production has skyrocketed and I’m only trying to keep the momentum going. We spent Saturday and Sunday afternoon with my in-laws. Lately, steak dinners and a Netflix movie has been our thing. In three weeks my sister in law and niece will be here to visit from Germany and we’re excited. We haven’t seen them since Christmas and the baby has gotten so big. It’s cool having family all over but it awful when you feel like you’re missing crucial moments of their lives. Still grateful for all the time we get though. Some people don’t even get that much.

Aiming to make the 30’s my glass half full decade.