Day 2 of a drastic change. Trying to remind myself that seasons always change whether we like it or not. Some changes may be uncomfortable at first but eventually it’s just another passing day.
Rest on his promise
We are the same
We’re all more alike than we’d ever imagine. We all battle similar obstacles and go through the same phases of life. The major difference is that some of us can put on a better show for the crowd. The ones who can’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. Others are hard to read.
“It ain’t always what it seems when you look happy” is often life’s melody.
Reminder: you may not win the battle but God has already won the war.
Faded Dreams analysis
Music speaks to us in so many ways.
“Though it tried to break me down I’m still here and I’m standing.”
“God my protector, with me forever.. he got my back.”
Simple reminders keep me grounded.
Tomorrow – well today because it’s 12:19am? will be two weeks since my husbands been home while I work. The first week was filled with stress and anxiety but this week we’ve been able to embrace the time together. I work from home so it’s been great having someone here to distract me and have lunch with. Still remaining hopeful although there’s been no update on when he can return to work from his employer. Trusting God to work this one out for our good. He’s got our back😉
Faded Dreams
Big Bad
A New Thing Tour
I was blessed with the opportunity to see Madison Ryann Ward on her first ever tour over the holiday weekend. Her album A New Thing has healed my soul in ways I never knew were possible. It has healed parts of me I didn’t know needed healing.
Through her music you can tell she’s got a genuinely relatable love for Christ. I love seeing young adults like myself not ashamed to spread the love of God. It was a joy seeing her in person. She walked right by where we were standing to make her way to the stage and I’m surprised I held it together. I can’t wait to see how God uses her for his glory.
The album will always be a favorite of mine because it brought me back to a place I had strayed so far from. This tour is just a small stepping stone for what God has in store for her. She’s got a voice that can calm the storm.
Cabo
It’s been a week since we got back from Cabo and I’m just finally feeling like myself again. We had a thirty hour travel journey home and it was brutal.
Although it’s a journey to and from Cabo, the town stole my heart. I can’t wait to go back for more than an extended weekend. I loved that we got to support mom and pop restaurants. We ate breakfast at the same spot everyday and I’m glad we decided to go off the tourist path. The locals were amongst some of the friendliest I’ve met. We also had some of the best coffee we’ve ever had too. That was the last thing we expected to rave about when we got home but the family who operates the restaurant should be proud of their hard work.
So far 30 has been good to me. Today I unlocked a new level of production at work and that’s a huge accomplishment. Since I’ve been back production has skyrocketed and I’m only trying to keep the momentum going. We spent Saturday and Sunday afternoon with my in-laws. Lately, steak dinners and a Netflix movie has been our thing. In three weeks my sister in law and niece will be here to visit from Germany and we’re excited. We haven’t seen them since Christmas and the baby has gotten so big. It’s cool having family all over but it awful when you feel like you’re missing crucial moments of their lives. Still grateful for all the time we get though. Some people don’t even get that much.
Aiming to make the 30’s my glass half full decade.
30
All in all my birthday was a good day. It’s 18 minutes after 9pm and I’m wiped. I love vacations because I enjoy sitting outside taking in my surroundings. I enjoy sitting and admiring God’s handy work. It brings so much needed clarity. Grateful I’ve been blessed with life and health to enjoy this monumental age.
Moth
12:12am
It’s been a long week and what felt like it should have been Friday was only Thursday. On a positive note, I had a white moth inside my house earlier. It followed me inside somehow and while I’m not necessarily superstitious, it’s said that moths are seen as a sign of good luck. They’re even seen as guardian angels in some cultures. Cool, isn’t it?
As my birthday creeps up it was giving reassurance as these young kids say😭. And for those who have to google most lingos like myself, it means it gives off a certain vibe, exhibits certain qualities, or impression.
Reassurance that everything’s going to be alright. I know everything is working out for my good. I’m forever trusting the process.
Who?
Closing In
Thirty is closing in faster than the speed of lightning it seems. As I approach this pivotal age, I can’t help but look back at what a wild journey it has been. I think back at all the aspirations I had even before my twenties began and how life has aligned the way she sees best. Ha! Okay, maybe not how she sees best, because essentially it’s just the ripple effect. Choices that were made, failures that were endured, loves that were lost (whether that has been romantically, friendships and platonic loves), and massive accomplishments along the way.
Every time I look back, which may damn well be more often than many people, I always credit my favorite teacher for steering me in the right direction in those crucial developmental years. Only God knows what paths I would’ve found myself strolling down if she hadn’t listened. She retired a few days ago and I wish I had the courage to tell her that I love her. It may seem strange to some, but you just have to know what someone saved you from to understand. I’ve always been careful to never skew any boundaries, so it’s always gone unsaid to an extent.
In periods of identity crises, she was the only person who made me feel heard and seen. My family was still new to this country, adults were occupied with starting careers and the everyday household responsibilities. Having a person like her kept me out of the spiral of teen pregnancies, drugs, juvenile delinquency, etc. I remember her classroom being my safe place during school hours. She had multiple during my time there but my favorite was one she had at the end of the hall and I believe there was a blue couch, maybe it was red, but she shared the room with two other teachers mainly separated by furniture but it was still the best place to be. That room remained my safe space even after I graduated. Every time I went back to visit, which was at least once a week back then, her room was the one I bolted for.
Never underestimate the power of listening. Sometimes all someone needs is someone to simply listen.
I’ve learned so many lessons and I’m still learning.
A New Thing
Madison Ryann Ward is truly underrated. This album is perfection. My husband is out of town on a business trip and I’m glad I had some extra time to truly enjoy this masterpiece🎶
Family Visits
My sister in law and 10 month old niece just got home from Germany less than an hour ago. It’s almost 1am and having them home and meeting the baby for the first time is just remarkable.
She’s so vibrant, full of joy and unlike most babies who cry when meeting strangers she met us without crying. All smiles and excitement. I’m excited to see how much she grows in the month that she’ll be here.
We are blessed to have a little one who reminds us that family is love. Unity brings peace. Although she’s the small human who needs us to survive we all needed her here also.
14 years
Thursday the first marked 14 years without Harry. I couldn’t bring myself to jot down my thoughts because the emotions were so raw. My mind asked the same what if questions and the why him questions just as they did the night I got the news. Then today a friend who lost her father on Wednesday sent me this page from a book which I’ll post below. It spoke to my soul in ways I didn’t know I needed. It reminded me that it’s okay to still miss Harry after 14 years. And it reminded me that it’s okay to feel sadness on that day no matter how long it’s been. There’s no wrong way to grieve a loss. The amount of time it takes you to grieve is nothing to be shamed of either.
Making Something Out Of Nothing 