It’s 3am and although I want to say today because I haven’t slept yet it’s truly yesterday that this took place.

I learned that an acquaintance and his wife have divorced. It is one of those things that just catch you off guard. They were the couple I would say was considered “goals”. They were the couple I admired more than anything. I found out one side of the reason behind the decision but for some reason I just can’t wrap my mind around it nor is it my place to I guess but, I can’t help it. When I think of marriage to me it’s a commitment. A commitment that should last a lifetime unless there’s infidelity, abuse or other extreme circumstances.

Love is kind, love suffers long, endures all things, isn’t easily puffed up, etc etc.

What has me stumped I guess is not understanding how a person can move on so easily as if a marriage meant nothing. How can a person bounce back so quickly if they truly love the person? I don’t want to seem biased in the situation but I know that I’m not the kind of person to bounce back easily. I know that when I love someone that’s not something that can be turned off and that’s not something that goes away over night either.

I guess, I’m saying all of this to say that when I am married I would hope that if my husband was not happy he would communicate that and exhaust all other options to fix our issue before deciding the world is more enticing or more appealing than my love. I admire the marriages that last through heartaches and pains. The marriages that push what it means to love and forgive to the limit and still make it through stronger than before.

I aspire to have a love like my grandparents’. The one where we are a team and that dynamic never changes. The one where we make every decision together, the one where we always show a united front, the one where there are no secrets. The one where we fall in love more and more with each other each day.

Love isn’t always fair. Someone in most cases always ends up with the short end of the stick but when love is experienced with honesty, understanding and compassion it’s unlike anything else we’ll ever experience. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with someone who feels the same. I pray that I marry someone who wants to spend forever and a day by my side even on my worst days. Someone who believes marriage is as sacred and meaningful as I do.

My worst fear is that I’ll give my heart to someone who will wake up one day after years of life together and decide they don’t love me anymore and would rather experience the world without me. My fear is wasting my time.