Posted on by V

Quarantine Day 8

Up until this point symptoms were kind of extremely mild in everyone. Yesterday we had two more positive tests amongst the family so that was another blow to the emotional side of fighting covid. So far everyone still has mild symptoms but now it’s really starting to feel like our bodies are fighting an illness. I must’ve slept for 12 hours last night alone and have been in bed most of today. My body is extremely achey as well which could be from being in bed for so long or covid. I’ve also been congested and have been for about 3 days now. The first two days I was sneezing a lot but now it’s just a congestion. The 8 year old is still her regular self minus a cough every two hours or so which she claims is not a cough but a clearing of her throat. LOL. My mom as of last night has started to feel a little shortness of breath so she’s also trying to take it easy. She still has the back pain which isn’t as bad as it was days 3-5. The first positive person ended up back in the ER the night of day 6 due to ongoing coughs which prevented him from being able to breathe. We’ve since learned that he has covid pneumonia so we’re worried but trying to not worry too much because we don’t want to hinder our own recoveries. He says the hospital conditions are tough.. he hasn’t showered in a few days and there’s no hot water on the hospital ward. I’m not sure how there’s no hot water but obviously that may not be the hospital’s number one priority at this time.

I figured by now we’d be feeling a little better considering we all coasted through the first week of quarantining but I may be wrong. I have a feeling the last two positive cases were positive the time I tested but a nurse refused to test them and I stand firm in my argument that she was wrong for that. They work amongst children and other teachers and I’m not sure why they wouldn’t want to confirm a case so others can be made aware of exposure. Especially because the children they work with are children of doctors and nurses and those who work in the major hospital in our area.

In times like these I understand not wanting to waste a test but I think those who work with our health care workers should get testing no matter how minimal the exposure because there’s such a trickle down effect if they’re positive. If one of the last two positives didn’t start experiencing loss of smell they would’ve continued to take that nurse’s advice and gone to work as instructed and gone about their lives. One of them has severe asthma so I’m praying that their symptoms are not more severe than what I’m feeling.

Praying that things start to look up over the next few days. Trying to stay hydrated, trying to force food down although there’s 0 appetite at times. It’s weird because that comes in waves. Sometimes I’ll be hungry and other times there’s just no desire for food. I’ve noticed the same with my mom. The 8 year old not so much we had family drop off Christmas goodies and she’s eating as long as we put food before her.

Thankful it’s not more severe. Thankful no one else is hospitalized. Thankful for those praying and reaching out and doing all they can to support us through this tough time.

Posted on by V

Quarantine Update

It’s day four and we’re still waiting for test results but there are some clear signs of covid. Yesterday my back was on fire. The same with my mom, today she can barely move. I think despite the aches and pains I’m feeling my main concern isn’t myself but her. I find that I’ve been more anxious when I hear a cough or hear her trying to move from one place to another. If I could bare the symptoms for her I would. I worry because no one knows what to expect.

I’ve also become increasingly angry with family who haven’t reached out yet but know the severity of this virus. What are they waiting for? For someone to be intubated before calling to see how we’re doing? Or to say how they’re thinking of us? I think in these times we need the support of our loved ones more than anything and in what can be the darkest time of our lives we need to know that there are others putting positive vibes out there for us. We need to know that there is a support system we can fall back on when we feel discouraged.

I think when people know what you’re going through and they choose to not reach out those aren’t people we need in our circle. I think one good thing that will come out of this quarantine experience is learning who our true family and friends are. The ones who check in periodically and the ones who offer to help in anyway possible. Hold those people close and take note of those who can’t be bothered.

I understand that this year has been very trying for everyone but if you know you have family exposed or quarantining the least you can do is send your love. It’s the little things that matter the most in these times and that’s all we need to keep a positive attitude.

Posted on by V

Breonna Taylor

Today has been emotionally exhausting. The longer the cries for justice go on the deeper the pit in our stomachs become. Terrifying isn’t the word to describe what this country is becoming.

As much as I want to find the words to describe how I’m feeling I just can’t. We always knew the odds of justice were slim but facing the harsh reality is still no easier.

$12 million dollars cannot bring a loved one back from the dead and $12 million dollars cannot justify not charging those responsible for an innocent’s death.

Black lives will always matter. Fairness and equality will always be demanded.

Spread peace. Spread love. Stay safe.

Posted on by V

“Good friend“

Something unexpected happened a few days ago.. they say be careful what you wish for because you just might get it all. I received a phone call one afternoon and everything changed. Suddenly there was no awkwardness and walking on egg shells. It’s crazy how easy it is to reconnect with someone you genuinely connected with before when both people are open to it.

They also say old habits die hard and while I’ve grown up a lot in the last 5 years somethings are just instinct. Caring is an instinct in this case. Empathy is an instinct at this point as well. That’s all there is to it.

In a way, I’m glad that people I haven’t talked to in years feel that they can come to me at anytime when they need solid advice though. It’s flattering really if you think about it. In someone’s darkest time I’m the person they think can help bring some clarity to their situation. Humbling.

Posted on by V

Malcolm

Tiny Desk 2018

September 7th, it’s absolutely crazy that Mac has been gone for two years already today. His death is one of the few celebrity deaths that has had an impact on my outlook on life. Mac Miller’s music has inspired so much in my own life.. this blog being one of them. There’s a Mac song or album for every season. I’m still in awe when I think about the transformation he was going through at the time of his passing. If his life wasn’t cut short I know things would’ve turned out alright for him despite all the demons he carried. I’m thankful for what he gifted the world with during his short life.

Continue to rest eternally, Malcolm.

Posted on by V

Happiness

Happiness may have a dictionary definition but what defines happiness ultimately varies individually. Happiness for some can be playing or watching a sport, it can be shopping for another, it can be eating certain foods, it can be visiting specific parts of the world, it can be receiving compliments, it can be having specific people in your atmosphere. The list goes on as happiness is one of those things that we can say is infinite.

For me happiness is feeling a sense of security. Happiness is being understood and in sync with my surroundings. For me happiness is simplicity.

What’s happiness for you?

Posted on by V

When the time comes

When we love someone often times we give then second chances. Giving someone a second chance is a risk and more of a gamble than most will admit. It’s risking what some may say is the inevitable – no change. They say if someone truly loves you they’ll do what it takes to make it work, right? When do you walk away if they don’t? Everyone knows love doesn’t come with an on and off button. How do you force your heart and mind to meet in the middle?

Posted on by V

27th Earth Strong

Today I turned 27 years old. I’m blessed no doubt to live to see this day. There’s so many that I know who’ve passed and didn’t make it to 27. In times like these where there’s so much death around us it’s a blessing to live to see another chapter. I’m grateful to have spent the day with my significant other. We didn’t do much but that’s never a problem as long as he’s by my side.

You know you’re officially an adult when your birthday wishes no longer primarily come through social media but rather direct text messages and phone calls. Thankful for all those near and far who took the time out to wish me health and happiness today.

Thank you Jesus. My wish is that the 27th chapter be filled with blessings, good news, an infinite amount of love and grace.

Posted on by V

Forgive

I’m not one to hold grudges but I never forget what was done even if I’ve forgiven a person. Sometimes forgiveness may come across as weakness but I think being able to forgive 70×7 is the ultimate revenge. When we forgive unthinkable situations those who have wronged us will always wonder why. It’s important to keep people at arms length as well. I may forgive easily but I will never make the mistake of trusting someone who betrayed me once. Play your cards right always.

Posted on by V

Trust

“Trust is a difficult thing, whether it’s finding the right people to trust.. Or trusting the right people will do the wrong thing. But trusting your heart is the riskiest thing of all. In the end, the only person we can truly trust is ourself.” -Emily Thorne

Last weekend I trusted someone with some information that was exposed to too many people. It was information that caused my character to be questioned and that really hurt me. Sometimes we say things that we don’t exactly mean and without explanation it looks a lot worse on paper than what was really intended. I spent the entire weekend sulking but through it all I’ve learned that the only person I can truly trust is myself. 2020 has been a year of lessons no doubt and I’m grateful for all the bad and good experiences the same.

Moral of the story is, when you know who you are as a person never let anyone’s doubts cause you to doubt yourself. Stay true to you always.

Posted on by V

4/19

Ten years ago this date held great meaning. In the most recent years this date is one I dread an awful lot. Looking back, the disappointment in the outcome is definitely my fault. I think from the beginning I had an unrealistic expectation of how things would remain in tact forever. Things never stay the same though. We went from what I thought would’ve been a life long friendship to one that barely exists. Adjusting to that change has been painful if we’re being real. I went from having someone I knew I could count on to not knowing if reaching out is even worth it anymore. Conversations are minimal at best. The purpose that the friendship served has ran its course. Accepting that has been difficult nonetheless.

I feel that I’ll always be here if I’m ever needed but I have a feeling I’ll never be needed.

Despite everything, I still wish good things for the future. I still send positive vibes that way. Always have and always will. Cheers to 28.

Posted on by V

For now

The thing about hesitation is that in just a second opportunity can pass us by. Sometimes we’re faced with choices and we hesitate. Sometimes only to wish we had acted sooner later on down the road.

Sometimes we’re blinded by the thoughts of what could be that we miss what is happening in front of our eyes. Someone who makes you question your standards is not someone who should be apart of your life. Someone who makes you feel at fault for standing your ground shouldn’t be apart of your life. Someone who chooses to ignore you when you don’t do exactly what they say isn’t someone who should be apart of your life. They’ll claim it’s not because you rejected having them dictate your actions but we both know it is deep down. Behaviors change but there’s consistency if that makes sense. Take note of the changes and when they occur and you’ll know what someone’s true intentions are for you. Don’t be fooled. There are wolves in sheep’s clothing. If they can’t respect your wishes without switching up fuck ‘em. They don’t deserve to be apart of your life.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Live unapologetically always. Stay true to you always.