Gift

Where do I even begin? I have allowed so much time to pass that there’s too much to write, as I often do.

On February 27th, I received a phone call that shook me to my core. It was someone I grew up with who had sadly passed away. Grief and losing loved ones are nothing new to me, but sometimes, for a brief moment, I forget about the pain and loss. This reminder brought me back to the denial/acceptance stage, which felt like a significant step back. Just a few days before her passing, Harrison was constantly on my mind. He would have been 35 on the 24th. I never imagined that the list of young people I know who have passed away would continue to grow. I try to avoid the questions that always seem to come up. Why them? What could’ve been done differently to prevent this?

When we lose someone who had their whole lives ahead of them, the only thing I can do is to remind myself that every day is a gift and nothing short of a miracle.

Since December, I’ve added six aunts to my family tree. They’re all unique, but one of them has taken me under her wing. The others have been nice, but this aunt has a special way of making me feel welcome. We’ve been talking every week since we first met, and she always has something encouraging to say. It’s incredible to have someone who accepts me for who I am. It’s like she’s always been my aunt. I hope I can get to know the others better, but I’m happy with this too. Either way, I’m grateful and okay with this outcome.

Every day is a gift, so let’s make the most of it!

Bye 2024

This year was truly one for the books. I wish I would say it’s ending on a high note but I don’t necessarily think that is the case.

This New Year’s Eve has fallen victim to the crappy day tradition as most New Year’s Eves in my experience do.

So much transpired this year but there were some good in there as well. We found my dad’s paternal family and that was the biggest blessing. Although my grandpa has since passed I’m still so grateful to know who his family is and to know that we have all carried pieces of him with us without even knowing it.

Here’s to those who are no longer here with us.

Here’s to 2025. May the new year bring nothing but blessings. God is forever faithful and in control.

Late Night Chronicles

Dad: “Well Shad, I’d hope that they have a heart because it sounds like he had a heart.”

Me: Not as optimistic “uh huh”

I told him that I noticed another one of the sisters was on the Ancestry DNA portal last week. I did not send a message to her initially because someone in connection to them had already responded to me. When I log on the DNA matches are right in front of my face. I can’t help but wonder if they see me in their matches and are curious as to who I am. Or if they aren’t even phased by the possibility that I am a close relative of theirs.

Hoping my dad is correct. Truly.

Losses

Death puts so much into respective. My grandmas sister passed away earlier this month and this past Sunday was the funeral. I ended up traveling to FL for less than 48 hours to attend the funeral. The days following her passing I was fine emotionally. As the date got closer to say our final goodbyes it started to dawn on me that life is still very short. Seeing her in the casket shook me to my core. She was unrecognizable. There were so many emotions.. I’m still in disbelief.

Life is short so take the risks. Do what makes you happy regardless of what the world will say. Say what you have to say because you might never get the chance if you don’t cease the moment.

The fear of rejection has kept me from reaching out to my dad’s family but now more than ever I’m ready to take the risks.

If they leave us on read then so be it.

Praise You Anywhere

Brandon Lake – Tear Off The Roof Tour – King’s Theatre Brooklyn NY – 4/20/24

April 20th, 2024 King’s Theatre Brooklyn NY was a phenomenal night. My soul has been so filled since then. Blessed to have been in such a beautiful theatre with hundreds of people praising and worshipping God.

Fast forward to May 4th, 2024. I now know why I have felt God’s love so much more than any other time that I can remember.

To be continued.