Just a reminder to trust your journey. It’s so easy to compare our accomplishments to those around us but no two people walk the same path in this thing called life. What’s meant for you will find its way to you. Someone else’s season may not be your season but your time will come. Have faith, stay hopeful, stay hydrated.
Cabin Trip
When the time comes
When we love someone often times we give then second chances. Giving someone a second chance is a risk and more of a gamble than most will admit. It’s risking what some may say is the inevitable – no change. They say if someone truly loves you they’ll do what it takes to make it work, right? When do you walk away if they don’t? Everyone knows love doesn’t come with an on and off button. How do you force your heart and mind to meet in the middle?
27th Earth Strong
Today I turned 27 years old. I’m blessed no doubt to live to see this day. There’s so many that I know who’ve passed and didn’t make it to 27. In times like these where there’s so much death around us it’s a blessing to live to see another chapter. I’m grateful to have spent the day with my significant other. We didn’t do much but that’s never a problem as long as he’s by my side.
You know you’re officially an adult when your birthday wishes no longer primarily come through social media but rather direct text messages and phone calls. Thankful for all those near and far who took the time out to wish me health and happiness today.
Thank you Jesus. My wish is that the 27th chapter be filled with blessings, good news, an infinite amount of love and grace.
Forgive
I’m not one to hold grudges but I never forget what was done even if I’ve forgiven a person. Sometimes forgiveness may come across as weakness but I think being able to forgive 70×7 is the ultimate revenge. When we forgive unthinkable situations those who have wronged us will always wonder why. It’s important to keep people at arms length as well. I may forgive easily but I will never make the mistake of trusting someone who betrayed me once. Play your cards right always.
4/19
Ten years ago this date held great meaning. In the most recent years this date is one I dread an awful lot. Looking back, the disappointment in the outcome is definitely my fault. I think from the beginning I had an unrealistic expectation of how things would remain in tact forever. Things never stay the same though. We went from what I thought would’ve been a life long friendship to one that barely exists. Adjusting to that change has been painful if we’re being real. I went from having someone I knew I could count on to not knowing if reaching out is even worth it anymore. Conversations are minimal at best. The purpose that the friendship served has ran its course. Accepting that has been difficult nonetheless.
I feel that I’ll always be here if I’m ever needed but I have a feeling I’ll never be needed.
Despite everything, I still wish good things for the future. I still send positive vibes that way. Always have and always will. Cheers to 28.
For now
The thing about hesitation is that in just a second opportunity can pass us by. Sometimes we’re faced with choices and we hesitate. Sometimes only to wish we had acted sooner later on down the road.
Sometimes we’re blinded by the thoughts of what could be that we miss what is happening in front of our eyes. Someone who makes you question your standards is not someone who should be apart of your life. Someone who makes you feel at fault for standing your ground shouldn’t be apart of your life. Someone who chooses to ignore you when you don’t do exactly what they say isn’t someone who should be apart of your life. They’ll claim it’s not because you rejected having them dictate your actions but we both know it is deep down. Behaviors change but there’s consistency if that makes sense. Take note of the changes and when they occur and you’ll know what someone’s true intentions are for you. Don’t be fooled. There are wolves in sheep’s clothing. If they can’t respect your wishes without switching up fuck ‘em. They don’t deserve to be apart of your life.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Live unapologetically always. Stay true to you always.
Analyzing
“You over analyze things” – undeniably so. We go from not wanting parts of someone without having all of them to realizing that maybe having parts of someone is better than not having any parts of them at all. Interesting how in just a few short weeks the mindset has changed knowingly or unknowingly.
Thank others for choosing to stay – somehow it should mean a great lot. In friendships and everything beyond that.
Actions Speak
Actions speak louder than words. People make time for who they want to make time for. No one is ever too busy to text back or check in one you occasionally. If you’re important to them these things will come naturally. It won’t feel like you require a lot of attention. You won’t be tasked with wondering if you’re a burden/annoyance or whatever. Remember.
Covid-19
Damn, can we catch a break?
It’s taken me a few weeks to process what’s been happening in the world. This virus has had us on an insane rollercoaster ride. It went from being a hoax to a monster demolishing our health and economy. With a majority of the state shut down in response to COVID-19 many people get to stay home but my job is considered essential for the health and wellbeing of the citizen in the state so I’ve been going into work everyday as I normally would. This thing is almost like a silent killer for the contagious period where people may show no symptoms. You simply don’t know who has it around you and I think that’s the most challenging part.
All over the world people have been in a panic over this virus. From not having adequate testing and safety equipment to panic shopping – it’s gotten out of hand. People are dying whether it’s just another strain of the flu or whether it’s not. The virus is easily transmitted whether it’s like flu or not. Nurses and doctors risk their lives and possibly infecting their families and loved ones for those who are ill whether it’s like the flu or not.
Today I went grocery shopping thinking I would pick up a few things that I’m running low on and I couldn’t stand being out for more than 15 minutes before getting angry about the condition I saw the stores in. I saw empty shelves and bare necessities are nowhere to be found. That made me severely aggravated because I thought about those who are worst off than I am. I figured if I’m not completely out of the items I was looking for at home and I was that aggravated then I could only imagine what others who are more desperate than I am are feeling. I can only imagine how the elderly are feeling distraught not finding what they need on top of the fear of picking up the virus. I can only imagine what the new mother is feeling not able to find wipes for her two week old baby.
Unemployment rates are higher than ever and so much is unknown about the future. Many businesses have closed and it’s sad to see so many be affected by this. In a time when it’s so easy to be consumed by fear and uncertainty we must remain hopeful.
Be kind to one another and in times like these help each other.
Just saying
50/50 is bullshit. Someone is always expected to give more of themselves. Don’t be fooled.
Rekindle
There’s that saying that says if it’s meant to be it will be. It’s been on my mind a bit lately. We drift from people and that could be a combination of friends and family but sometimes we have an opportunity to pull the pieces back together and reconnect and that can never be taken for granted. Sometimes you can jump right back into where things left off but other times you wade through a bit of knee deep water before things feel like they’re back to what they were. Essentially, years go by and people change but even with that it’s still possible to rekindle a friendship. There are those rare cases when so much time has passed that rekindling a friendship just isn’t worth the effort. Not necessarily saying there are ill intentions or bad blood but we’re just on different paths and going in different directions. The key is being prepared for either one of those outcomes regardless of what you really want.
Goodbye 2019
This year and the decade overall has been filled with many ups and downs for me. To make a very long story short I lost myself, I lost friends, I lost loved ones, I’ve been abused, I’ve been the abuser, I’ve wallowed in my misery, I’ve brushed my shoes off and kept walking, I’ve been broken and I’ve been in repair. The repair process has been a journey that I needed to embark on alone and without any of the experiences I wouldn’t have the strength I need to keep going. I’ve come to terms with everything. Everyday I see more and more that all of those things happened for a reason. Reasons that I wouldn’t have understood then but I’m proud of the personal growth and self love that this decade of ups and downs has allowed me have.
One important thing I learned this year is that it’s okay to mourn. Sometimes we grieve the living. Things change.
V
Tread lightly
Over the last 4 years I’ve spend a lot of time analyzing the way things could’ve turned out different. Analyzing all the choices that were made and how situations could’ve been handled differently. For years I blamed myself for mishandling the situation and as a result costing myself someone I valued quite a bit.
Time went on and as they say time heals all wounds. The disappointment in myself lessened. I learned different ways to handle similar situations if I were to ever find myself in that situation again. I made peace with my choices and the outcomes of consequences I had to live with. I accepted how life was after the fact.
Now, I feel I have a privilege I never saw coming or planned for. In some ways I’m sort of slightly freaking out because I don’t know where to go from here. I know what direction I want things to go in but I’m not sure that’s even possible. I know what I want but I’m not sure the ball is in my court in that sense. I don’t think I’m in a position to really call the shots. With that being said, I don’t want to let this chance slip through my fingertips.
One day at a time, eh?
Christmas 19
Overall, this Christmas was the best one I’ve had in quite a few years. I’m thankful for the level of understanding that was displayed by members of the family. I’m thankful for the quality time spent. I’m thankful for all the laughter and banter. I feel truly blessed as this year winds down.
This holiday is usually just another one where there are certain family members that are not around either because they are in a different part of the world and couldn’t be present or because of death. While their presence will always be missed a day like today is really one where you just take in everything around you. Appreciate what’s right here and now in front of you. Here’s to hoping someday we’re all in the same geographic location.
I can only hope the ones not here due to death have found peace and are resting easy. While trying to enjoy the moment H you are not forgotten.
Thankful for forgiveness also.. hearing from someone I haven’t spoken to in a long time was unexpected but forgiveness is everything.
Tomorrow the 26th marks four years. How time has passed.. and how things have changed for the better. Cheers.
Making Something Out Of Nothing 