Blessed With Life
Cabin Trip
Spent a few days out of town this weekend. I find that the only way Iāve survived this last year and my lack of traveling is by taking small weekend trips to these areas surrounded by nature. Areas where I can truly appreciate nature for what it is. As the pandemic rages self care is the only saving grace. Sometimes all we need is just a few days to reset.
Happy Birthday, Mac
Forever
Today I was watching an episode of One Tree Hill where they talked about how the idea of forever usually scares us as humans and it got me thinking…
The idea of forever has been the most comforting thing to me. I understand why it may be scary for some but for me the idea of forever has been what has kept me going many times. We see forever in so many aspects of life in both deeds and people. I find that in temporary situations that may be horrible to navigate, forever gets me through because I have hope for the future.
The idea of forever is absolute. I take comfort in knowing that there are things I will have continually. People, relationships, deeds committed, memories, dreams, etc.
The idea of spending āforeverā with a partner is exhilarating. The same can be said about having a friendship that carryās on āforeverā.. Knowing that the things we do in this life sticks with us forever keeps me in check. It keeps me from living with regrets. It forces me to do right. It keeps me accountable. Having certain memories forever is humbling because sometimes memories are all weāve got of someone or something we held close to our hearts. Maintaining dreams give us something to work towards or simply just challenges us to never settle.
When things get dark I remind myself that it isnāt forever and roll with it until the sun shines again.
Strange?
Nice Knowing Ya 2020
This year was by far one of the most trying for many of us. The global pandemic affected us in more ways than we could have ever imagined. Iāve also learned so much about myself this year as well.
In a year where life as we knew it changed overnight one day in March due to lockdowns I found that this year I craved a lot of ānormalcyā. I craved the things that felt comfortable and some of that included people who today are no longer the people they were when they represented what was normal to me.
Four years ago one night in December my world changed forever and while then I tried to hold on to the little I could, this year I realized it was time to let go and finally close chapters I kept rewriting in my head. I held on to promises made that were unrealistic. I held on to someone I was so sure would be around through all my adult years.
As time has gone on Iāve realized that this person served their purpose in my life. The story has ended and thereās no way to rewrite it. We played pivotal roles in each otherās lives at one point but weāve been on different journeys for years now. I guess I was just never ready to truly admit that our promises were naive. The thing is something can cause a bond to exist but eventually that thing is no longer the most important aspect in either of our lives. When that happens we become people that neither of us recognize. The bond grows thin day by day until it no longer exists and thatās life.
So while I craved that sense of comfortability many of these last 365 days Iām leaving that desire in 2020. Itās best I walk away and leave our promise in the year that caused so much pain and loss for many. A lot of people lost loved ones and friends this year due to Covid-19. A lot of people lost jobs due to the pandemic and a lot of small business owners lost their livelihoods. So in a year where people will forever mourn so much Iām choosing to leave this bond here as well.
This year, I can say in the U.S. with over three hundred thousand people dead from Covid-19, I survived it. Six members of my family survived the virus. Many days this year we saw stories of families losing more than one member to the virus but I was fortunate.
I will eternally be grateful for surviving this thing because many were not as lucky. I will always be grateful that no one in my family had to rely on unemployment insurance benefits at any time this year. I will always be grateful for the ability to have helped those in need this year. Iām thankful for love, health, family, friends and financial stability.
May 2021 bring you nothing but joy, peace, and memories that will repair our hearts after such a cruel year. Cheers.š„
āOh, it’s better up ahead
The worst is over now
Remember what I said
Live, you don’t have to look back
But if you ever do,
You know where I’m atā – Gavin DeGraw
Quarantine Day 12
I think at this point itās safe to say weāre all recovering and doing well. Well, those of us who tested positive the weekend prior to Christmas. Days 7-10 were definitely the worst days and nights but on day 11 there was a drastic change in our energy levels, appetites and over all feeling enduring covid. Today being day 12 has been just as positive. Now it seems the only lingering symptoms are our sense of smell being a little off. We didnāt lose it but boy has that changed. A lot of foods have a weird odor Iām not necessarily sure how to describe it but itās not great. At first I speculated that it was the cheese on pizza and lasagna but then we had spaghetti and it was the same – no cheese.. then we had subs and there was the smell again. Iām hoping that this goes away soon because it does sometimes cause a nauseous feeling. My mom canāt stand the smell of Lysol, so thatās fun. We also have a slight lingering cough but gradually that is less often as the days go by. The two who tested positive last are going through more emotional side effects. Thereās some depression due to the isolation and the time period that the isolation is taking place but besides feeling a little off there are no major reports of symptoms so that is always a plus. Oh, and the family member who had the worst case is now home and out of the hospital just two days shy of the two week mark since we found out he had covid. He was sent home with an oxygen tank but the fact that heās home is an improvement.
Quarantine Day 8
Up until this point symptoms were kind of extremely mild in everyone. Yesterday we had two more positive tests amongst the family so that was another blow to the emotional side of fighting covid. So far everyone still has mild symptoms but now itās really starting to feel like our bodies are fighting an illness. I mustāve slept for 12 hours last night alone and have been in bed most of today. My body is extremely achey as well which could be from being in bed for so long or covid. Iāve also been congested and have been for about 3 days now. The first two days I was sneezing a lot but now itās just a congestion. The 8 year old is still her regular self minus a cough every two hours or so which she claims is not a cough but a clearing of her throat. LOL. My mom as of last night has started to feel a little shortness of breath so sheās also trying to take it easy. She still has the back pain which isnāt as bad as it was days 3-5. The first positive person ended up back in the ER the night of day 6 due to ongoing coughs which prevented him from being able to breathe. Weāve since learned that he has covid pneumonia so weāre worried but trying to not worry too much because we donāt want to hinder our own recoveries. He says the hospital conditions are tough.. he hasnāt showered in a few days and thereās no hot water on the hospital ward. Iām not sure how thereās no hot water but obviously that may not be the hospitalās number one priority at this time.
I figured by now weād be feeling a little better considering we all coasted through the first week of quarantining but I may be wrong. I have a feeling the last two positive cases were positive the time I tested but a nurse refused to test them and I stand firm in my argument that she was wrong for that. They work amongst children and other teachers and Iām not sure why they wouldnāt want to confirm a case so others can be made aware of exposure. Especially because the children they work with are children of doctors and nurses and those who work in the major hospital in our area.
In times like these I understand not wanting to waste a test but I think those who work with our health care workers should get testing no matter how minimal the exposure because thereās such a trickle down effect if theyāre positive. If one of the last two positives didnāt start experiencing loss of smell they wouldāve continued to take that nurseās advice and gone to work as instructed and gone about their lives. One of them has severe asthma so Iām praying that their symptoms are not more severe than what Iām feeling.
Praying that things start to look up over the next few days. Trying to stay hydrated, trying to force food down although thereās 0 appetite at times. Itās weird because that comes in waves. Sometimes Iāll be hungry and other times thereās just no desire for food. Iāve noticed the same with my mom. The 8 year old not so much we had family drop off Christmas goodies and sheās eating as long as we put food before her.
Thankful itās not more severe. Thankful no one else is hospitalized. Thankful for those praying and reaching out and doing all they can to support us through this tough time.
Quarantine Update
Itās day four and weāre still waiting for test results but there are some clear signs of covid. Yesterday my back was on fire. The same with my mom, today she can barely move. I think despite the aches and pains Iām feeling my main concern isnāt myself but her. I find that Iāve been more anxious when I hear a cough or hear her trying to move from one place to another. If I could bare the symptoms for her I would. I worry because no one knows what to expect.
Iāve also become increasingly angry with family who havenāt reached out yet but know the severity of this virus. What are they waiting for? For someone to be intubated before calling to see how weāre doing? Or to say how theyāre thinking of us? I think in these times we need the support of our loved ones more than anything and in what can be the darkest time of our lives we need to know that there are others putting positive vibes out there for us. We need to know that there is a support system we can fall back on when we feel discouraged.
I think when people know what youāre going through and they choose to not reach out those arenāt people we need in our circle. I think one good thing that will come out of this quarantine experience is learning who our true family and friends are. The ones who check in periodically and the ones who offer to help in anyway possible. Hold those people close and take note of those who canāt be bothered.
I understand that this year has been very trying for everyone but if you know you have family exposed or quarantining the least you can do is send your love. Itās the little things that matter the most in these times and thatās all we need to keep a positive attitude.
Covid-19
Friday I got a call that made my stomach drop. A close relative that Iāve been in contact with tested positive for covid. Several members of my family had to get tested this weekend now weāre all on day two of our quarantine. As we wait for the results of our tests to come back the most nerve-racking part is not knowing whatās going to happen as these days go on.
Initially I felt angry and scared. Scared because Iām at a point where I donāt know what about covid is a fact or a piece of information exploited by politics. Scared because my grandparents were potentially exposed. Scared because an 8 year old was exposed. Scared because it meant my life was now at a standstill. Every plan I had for the holiday is now out the window as my quarantine period will not end until after the new year.
Now itās a waiting game even if our results are negative it doesnāt mean symptoms cannot be developed between the time of exposure and the 14 days. We arenāt sure how it was contracted but all I know is itās a whole different ball game when covid is in your own household.
Nevertheless, Iām thankful no one else is experiencing symptoms at this time although we are all anxious and stressed. I pray for health and strength. I pray that these 14 days end quickly. Continue to be vigilant always.
Thanksgiving 2020
This Thanksgiving was definitely different than other years. Although we were in a smaller setting with immediate family only I’m still thankful I was able to enjoy a meal with my loved ones. I’m thankful that no one I care about has been affected by Covid. Many people are grieving the loss of a loved one this Thanksgiving or can’t even be with family at all due to Covid. I’m grateful for all the lessons learned so far this year and for health, strength, and a work from home contract. My work from home contract was extended until July 2021 and throughout this entire pandemic I didn’t have to worry about job security at all and that is a huge blessing. I’m thankful that I’ve been put in a position to extend help to those who need it whether that’s emotionally, financially or physically. Hope y’all had a good holiday despite the circumstances.
Graduate
After a few long years Iāve finally completed my degree. It feels surreal, the last few years of my life were consumed by school and now I donāt have that pressure moving forward. Iām not sure what Iāll do with all this new free time but Iām proud to be done with this journey. Here at the end I felt drained in every aspect but Iām glad I was able to push through and finish with a 3.89 GPA. Also glad I trusted my journey and went at my own pace. This accomplishment means so much.
Time to channel my focus on losing the Rona 15. Staying fit wasnāt my main priority but now I have time to work outš
Hereās to new adventuresš„
Memories
Sometimes somethings spontaneously come to our minds and you canāt help but wish they hadnāt.
āGood friendā
Something unexpected happened a few days ago.. they say be careful what you wish for because you just might get it all. I received a phone call one afternoon and everything changed. Suddenly there was no awkwardness and walking on egg shells. Itās crazy how easy it is to reconnect with someone you genuinely connected with before when both people are open to it.
They also say old habits die hard and while Iāve grown up a lot in the last 5 years somethings are just instinct. Caring is an instinct in this case. Empathy is an instinct at this point as well. Thatās all there is to it.
In a way, I’m glad that people I haven’t talked to in years feel that they can come to me at anytime when they need solid advice though. It’s flattering really if you think about it. In someone’s darkest time I’m the person they think can help bring some clarity to their situation. Humbling.
Lean on me
No matter how strong you are everyone needs someone to lean on at some point in their lives. There are some people who have many shoulders to lean on and there are others who only hope of just having one. Sometimes we luck out and find that shoulder. Sometimes we have to suck it up and be our own shoulder.
Reminder
Just a reminder to trust your journey. Itās so easy to compare our accomplishments to those around us but no two people walk the same path in this thing called life. Whatās meant for you will find its way to you. Someone elseās season may not be your season but your time will come. Have faith, stay hopeful, stay hydrated.
Making Something Out Of Nothing 