My little brother is in a crisis.
I feel useless not being able to help him and this is my field. This is where I thought I thrived. I guess because I’m family advice hits differently?
The worst part is I can personally relate to his crisis so I know how to help but I’m being stonewalled. 
😔
Praying for a miracle.
For months I had intentions of doing an ancestry DNA test but procrastinated up until a few weeks ago. The results came in this past Saturday morning..
They were rather unexpected. We found an entire family but there are more questions than answers.
What are our true relationships? Who fathered my father? Should we even bother playing Nancy Drew? Would this alter the trajectory of our lives?
Truly just wanted my father to have some answers and possibly a relationship with family on his paternal side but what’s meant to be will be.
Like he says regardless of how this turns out we still have each other. The 4 of us will be good either way but how awesome would it be to get to know the people we share DNA with.
God is in control.
April 20th, 2024 King’s Theatre Brooklyn NY was a phenomenal night. My soul has been so filled since then. Blessed to have been in such a beautiful theatre with hundreds of people praising and worshipping God.
Fast forward to May 4th, 2024. I now know why I have felt God’s love so much more than any other time that I can remember.
To be continued.
1:22am
My little sister is finally baptized. God is a good God.
In light of recent activities around the world my focus truly has been on God. In times like these we need a savior. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I find myself less interested in things of this world and thirsting more and more after righteousness.
Just this past Friday I experienced my first earthquake. To me it wasn’t a great moment of panic but for many it was. I thank God for peace and the faith I have in him to know that come what may, everything will be alright because God is in control.
What ifs aren’t a factor if you wake up everyday and consciously choose your purpose.
Overall 2023 was a solid C+. I turned 30 and within two months saw my first gray hair. The last four months of 2023 were pretty rough. It felt like one obstacle after another. We spent 10 days in the hospital and one of those days just happened to be our 2nd wedding anniversary. We’ve managed to overcome every obstacle thrown our way together and while our anniversary wasn’t ideal it could’ve been worse.
Hoping 2024 forces us out of our comfort zones. Hope the things we need find their way to us. Cheers.
Today, 12/11 marks two years married. It was not the way I envisioned celebrating two years of marriage but life is sometimes unpredictable. Last Sunday 12/3 we got to the emergency room around 9:45pm. My husband had been experiencing some pain in his right knee which started Thursday at work. He had surgery on that knee years ago so we thought he just needed rest. Friday came around and by midday trouble walking increased significantly. He tried to work as long as he could and made it to 3pm before he was sent home due to the pain. It was his weekend off so he had 3 days of rest to look forward to. We both thought rest and icing the knee would work. Little did we know, his knee was fighting a serious infection. It had began to swell and continued to swell as the weekend went on. Sunday night I asked if he was ready for bed after we finished an episode of the show we were watching and he couldn’t get up from the couch. He decided he couldn’t deal with the pain anymore so he asked if we could go to the hospital. Knowing I couldn’t physically carry him I ended up calling his dad and asked if he could come help me get him down our 24 stairs and to the hospital. He came over immediately although not feeling great himself. We were in the hospital from Sunday night until Thursday afternoon. He had surgery on his knee Tuesday and we thought everything went well. When we were told he would be discharged we were relieved to be going home given that we knew our anniversary was coming up. Friday morning his leg and ankle appeared swollen and we chalked it up to lack of elevation on our part throughout the night. When nothing changed, Saturday morning we ended up in the ER again. Turns out the infection was not only in his knee but was also in the soft tissue in his calf as well. We’ve been at the hospital since Saturday now and this has truly been one of the scariest things we’ve experienced together. Most people wait years before they experience the in sickness and health parts of their vows but our challenge came early. I don’t know what I would’ve done if he had to have his leg amputated or if he died from the infection spreading to other parts of his body. I’m beyond thankful he’s still alive and I still have my best friend.
It’s been a very hard three weeks. The months leading up to it were bad but getting sick made things 100x worse. We live in a time where the slightest cold makes me afraid of being near the elderly family members we have. We missed two weeks of gathering together out of an abundance of caution and not wanting to pass Covid on to anyone dispute new guidelines that say only 5 days of quarantine is required. I’m thankful the headaches have subdued for the both of us. They were so bad that the only thing that helped was sleep. Symotoms were definitely different than when I had Covid in 2020 but still sucked nonetheless.
Wondering why life has been so challenging lately. This past week has been rough. What we thought was a slight cold due to the drastic weather change was confirmed to be Covid. I’ve been very disconnected from the social aspects of life. Trying to focus on what I need instead of what I want. Sometimes disconnecting allows a different perspective. I know there’s gotta be a great reward a head with the amount of fighting we’ve had to endure these last two months.
Still trying to remember to trust God’s timing everyday more and more. Trusting the journey. Knowing that his promises are true.
12:12am – tonight made me realize that we may never be the same again after we get out of this tunnel. We had a small taste of normalcy and it appeared to seem so foreign.
Change is inevitable sometimes but the kind that hurts the most is the kind forced upon you. The kind you have no control over whatsoever.
It’s been a rough week and it feels like crap just keeps piling on. Still not much of an appetite but the crazy vivid dreams/nightmares we were having died down. Mornings are filled with anxiety and struggling to just make it out of the house.
At this point I’m not sure how much more things can go down hill before they look up. The last three days there has been severe bouts of depression. Questioning everything. The lack of an appetite is starting to negatively affect us. No surprise there, we’ve both lost a significant amount of weight, brain function has decreased as a result.
Up side, for the first time in almost 6 years I can see abs again. Yay? Not the healthiest but trying to turn lemons into lemonade or whatever the saying is😆
Today we learned that our options aren’t very cut and dry. There’s no right or wrong way to move forward and while that is scary I felt we got the best advice we could’ve gotten given the circumstances. She was very straight forward and honest and not just after our money so no regrets on that.
The days are longer it seems. More time idle = More mind racing. How is this fair?
Conclusion, life isn’t fair.
Subtle signs keep hope alive. We still don’t know what’s to come but we are holding on to hope as tight as we can.
Day 2 of a drastic change. Trying to remind myself that seasons always change whether we like it or not. Some changes may be uncomfortable at first but eventually it’s just another passing day.
Literally.
Friday we thought a weight had finally lifted off our shoulders but it turns out there’s more crap to deal with before this is all over. It’s very difficult trying to hold on to hope this time around. We do what’s asked of us and it’s never enough there’s always something else.
Making Something Out Of Nothing 