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Feels

I’ve been feeling like myself for the first time in a long time. It could be a combination of going home for a week and talking to my dad about certain situations and this long weekend. I’ve been feeling like I’m on a natural high and I don’t ever want to come down☁️

I have a very real idea of how things can turn out and I’m ready for any outcome. Before I was always afraid to face the facts for what they are but now I’m ready. Being home recharged me honestly. Just being by the ocean every day does something to my sanity. I can’t explain it. I go home when I need a sense of direction. It has always saved me.

🇯🇲🌊♥️

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World Cup

Today was a great day. I spent the day at the last game in the send off series for the women’s national USA team. I had a blast watching our team demonstrate how prepared they are for the World Cup in a couple of days. Being at the arena today made me remember the time I had dreams to be on the national team. I don’t regret straying from soccer but I feel like I’ve fallen in love with the sport all over again.

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Divorce

Statistics say divorce rates have increased. Super believable because I know too many couples who’ve been down that road unfortunately. Marriage will always be something sacred to me and I feel I need a partner who understands how serious about that I am. I believe in fighting and not giving up on each other. But under certain circumstances there’s room for an exception though. I just feel couples today don’t fight for each other. One small disagreement and they call it quits. One thing I learned by watching my grandparents is that “teeth and tongue will meet”. Meaning, arguments or disagreements are inevitable.

Is it really love if you aren’t willing to work through the issue first? Given that there’s no domestic violence involved etc etc etc.

One thing that I’ve come to realize lately is that although communication is important in relationships, respect is also as equally important.

Inspired by Marry Me x Thomas Rhett.

Is it true that every girl fantasizes about their wedding day?

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Preference

When it comes to relationships as we get older some people may feel the need to settle because they feel they’re racing against the invisible clock in our lives. For me, I learn more and more what I want or better yet what I need.

With that being said, I’ve been thinking about how much self control is important to me. I don’t like to be embarrassed in public or anywhere for that matter. I need a partner willing to control and capable of controlling their emotions when we aren’t alone.

Be with someone who cares enough to think about how their actions will negatively reflect on you before everything plays out.

I’m an extremely calm person for the most part. I’m always just going with the flow. I think having someone just as chill about everything would be my best bet. I have a hard time handling people who are always on edge or use anger as their go to emotion for everything that may be seen as an inconvenience. Being humble is a great trait and being able to express meekness is also great. I need someone able to handle their shit in other words.

You Stay x DJ Khaled is a mood for tonight.

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Reflections

Do you ever just hear a certain song and it takes back to a point in time and the memories feel like they were yesterday?

Reflecting on the emotions that just came over me makes me smile at how crazy life is sometimes. The way my life turned out is not how I imagined it years ago but I can’t say that I’m mad about that. I’m in a much better head space to some extents. It’s growth that’s been good for me. For so long I loved fixing broken things or people rather. Which come to find out was me avoiding fixing my own damn self. If I were to run into the people from those memories today I would have no idea how to relate. I would almost feel the need to reintroduce myself for shits and giggles.

Sometimes you can still have love for someone but dodge them also. Some people will never understand your growth. I also had to come to terms with the fact that sometimes we outgrow people and that’s alright. That was a tough one.

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Forgiving

I know I’ve let a lot of people down over the years and I’ve apologized where I felt necessary. Every bad decision has made me better. And although I’m forgiven by others for the longest time I didn’t forgive myself. I let so many good people slip out of my life because of my pride. Friendships I should’ve cherished more than I did. Sometimes I miss the way certain things were but not the situation that caused those things to have happened. There used to be a lot of resentment towards myself because of the stupid decisions. But I’ve learned that all I can do is be a better me than I was yesterday. There’s no rewind button and even if there was I’m not quite sure I’d use it.

xxvxx